Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
