you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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