the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
