Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
