yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
