whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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