Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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