she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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