she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
