I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
