I have demons in me.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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