I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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