i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Farmville is her only friend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
