so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
