so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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