I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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