got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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