you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
