When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
