God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
