I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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