You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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