Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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