Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
