I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
