I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
