i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
