I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
