What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
