he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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