I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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