So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
