my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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