Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
