you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
