It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
