You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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