so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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