WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
