im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
