he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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