I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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