He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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