I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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