Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
