I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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