I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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