We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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