My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
