Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
