I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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