Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Randomize
