I faked an abortion last night.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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