I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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