I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
a search helicopter?!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
