I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
