you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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