Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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