Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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