i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
