im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
