i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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