It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
