He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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