You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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