That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
