Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
