he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
