White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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