Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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