She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
