the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
