also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
