Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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