if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
