i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
