my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
