So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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