you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I DEMAND FORESKIN
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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