if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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