what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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