So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
