just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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