i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
