i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
