dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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