this boner is exhausting
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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