it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
